~.:: For I am right beside you for all my life..I am yours ::.~

I can't believe I'm blogging at 1 in the morning.
I am sleep deprived, but somehow my eyes won't shut.
Perhaps I just need a few minutes to rant.
*thank you blogspot, for being here with me thru this difficult moment! chehhhh*
Butterflies are fluttering in my stomach.
I have these mixed feelings since I received some emails this afternoon.

A mixture of happiness and hope, yet laced with dread and doubt.

Oh God, I don't even know whether what I'm doing is right or not!

Should I? Or should I not?

Will I be happy? Will I be not?

I have been in Malaysia for, like, almost 6 years now, coming home to Singapore only for school breaks and holidays. I spent 2/3 of my life outside Singapore. I was sent to a boarding school in Malaysia eversince I was 13 years old. Upon finishing Sec 5, I furthered my studies overseas. Then I continued my studies in Malaysia starting year 2001, until last November.

Now, I have 3 interviews waiting in line for me, back in Singapore.
And I am now torn in between.

I think I have come to love Malaysia.
I so love Malaysia that I dread the day I will be leaving it to settle down in Singapore.
Please, don't misunderstand. Singapore will always be my home, and I will always love my Singapore.

However, I admit that I don't know much abt SG, the reason being, I am seldom there.
If you ask me to name 3 ministers, you would probably see me scratching my dandruff-free head for 1 hour & still come up with no answer. I only know the PM, Lee Hsien Loong (did I spell it correctly? Haiiiizzz..u see what I mean or not??)
But if you ask me abt Malaysia's ministers, I can name them, every single one of them.
Yes, that is how much I am attached to Malaysia.
And just the thought of leaving Malaysia, brings tears to my eyes.
Do you get what I'm trying to say or not? I hope you do.
It's difficult to explain lah..

But that is not the reason ( why I am torn in between).
This is..

I really, really, really, dread the thought of leaving Hubs all alone in KL.
It has nothing to do with trust.
You don't have to be far apart for your spouse to cheat on you.
kalau dah gatal tu, depan bini/laki pun dia boleh buat. Tak payah tunggu duduk jauh-jauh!

Oh well, let's just put it this way.
I have never been apart from him since the day we married.
Oh wait, there was one time I worked as a temp staff in SG, & Hubs worked in JB (he is a Malaysian, in case u readers haven't read my previous entries) during our term break. It was just 3 months, but it felt horrible! I was not happy, not a single bit, despite the 'boleh-tahan' pay I got.

I have never been apart from him since.

A lot is going thru my mind.
I'm not thinking straight right now.
Even scrapbooking doesn't cheer me up (it always did!)
And I feel like I'm gonna puke!
*bluuuuueeeeekkkk*

Uggghhhhh....tido lagi bagus!